you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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