I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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