jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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