fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
can u get pink eye on your cock?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I still have a little drunk in my system
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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