I'm eating all of the evidence.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
