did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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