dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
