areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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