you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
