im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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