PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I could fuck to npr.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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