You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
