I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
