If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
