I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
