R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
