I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
