You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
