I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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