It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
