I think i peed on brittanys purse
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
