Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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