i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
