Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
