i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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