he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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