Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
