Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
