I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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