I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
