What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
