i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
