Are we in a gay sports bar?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
