Where did you get a picture of my penis
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
