i permit you to call me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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