A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
