doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
