if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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