we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
