oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
