He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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