just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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