The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
