a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
