she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
