He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
