she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
