True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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