So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
