so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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