Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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