Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
pray to the hookup gods
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
