so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
