So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
