I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
