I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
