is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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