i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
