i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
