I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
